Australian Security

14 July 2004
John Howard decides to test the capability of Australia's security agencies at apprehending terrorists.

He releases a white rabbit into Stromlo Forest, near Canberra, and orders each agency to catch it.

The National Crime Authority can't catch it, but promise that if it gets a budget increase it can recover $90 million in unpaid rabbit taxes and proceeds of rabbit crime.

The Victorian police go in. They're gone only 15 minutes, returning with a koala, a kangaroo and a fern tree, all three shot to pieces. "They all looked like dangerous rabbits and we acted in self defence", they explain.

The NSW police go in. Surveillance tapes later show high-ranking officers taking bribes from rabbits.

The Queensland police go in. They reappear driving a brand new Mercedes, scantily clad rabbits draped all over them.

The WA police actually catch the rabbit, but it inexplicably hangs itself when the attending officer "slipped out momentarily" for a cup of tea.

The NT police beat the crap out of every rabbit in the forest, except the white one. They know it is the black ones who cause all the trouble.

The SA police go into the forest and return with the rabbit, however they charge it with being in possesion of more than three marijuana plants, lose the evidence (and the case), but discover the head of the drug squad stoned out of his mind and dancing with rabbits.

The Australian Federal Police refuse to go in. They examine the issues, particularly cost, and decide that because of low priority, high overtime and projected expense to the AFP as a whole, the matter should be returned to the referring authority for further analysis.

ASIO goes into the wrong forest.


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