After a long, hard day of helping Boof and Funky move house on Saturday, Boof was giving me a lift home when we decided to indulge in one of our favourite guilty past times: listening to, and consequently poking fun at, the local Christian radio station.
Saturday evening was a corker. There was an American Christian rock top twenty countdown playing. I wonder how they work out what the top twenty will be - do people pray for it or something? No, I know that it would be based on sales, which seems rather presumptuous. Surely a real Christian countdown should be God's favourite twenty songs for the week? (And I bet God prefers listening to The Clash).
The songs were, well...a little simplistic. Boof, who has musical talent, remarked after a paticularly insipid number about how much freedom the singer feels to pray, remarked "These songs are very repetitive." I replied, "Yes, they've got to be that way so Christians will understand them..."
Then the DJ announced "Up next...this week's music news!" I had to wonder what could possibly consititute Christian music news - "Cooper Blake, lead singer of I Found God And Lost My Talent, was recovering at home last week after an all-night not-drinking binge"? But no. The main story of the week was about a singer and his wife welcoming a new addition to the family - their fifth. Of course.
Then the ads came on. A perky voice intoned, "Have you ever wanted to be a DJ?" Boof said, "Well there's the perfect job for you...DJ at a Christian radio station!" Yes I can just see it now, me in my little DJ booth: "Good morning, this is Nico with todays scripture...OH FUCK! I just spilt my coffee in my lap!"
But we had to stop listening. We feared that if we were tuned in any longer we'd become Christians ourselves, and probably end up marrying each other *insert Sideshow Bob shudder*. You've heard of people needing to get the taste out of their mouths. Well, as soon as I got home, I needed to get the sound out of my ears. I played Rammstein and Nine Inch Nails for an hour before I felt okay again (I don't really listen to that stuff anymore, but I felt a need to do so then).
I dunno. I feel that Christian radio may be the final proof that there is no God. If I was an omnipotent being, there's no way I'd let my followers carry on such rubbish in my name...