Reading recently that some celebrity or other had gone with a Vera Wang wedding dress - they all seem to - it occurred to me that I have no idea why Wang is the leading name in bridal couture, a subject never of much interest to me, but I decided to take a look at the Vera Wang website for the first time and see just what makes these gowns so special.
And they're...special, all right. Here's a selection of dresses, outfits, and "what the hell is that" from recent Vera Wang Haute Wedding Collections. Wang describes the Haute range as "explor[ing] the different volumes, proportions and artisanal details that have come to define our unique and ever evolving aesthetic”. I would rather decribe it as a firm reminder to us all that just because you can, doesn't mean you should. No apologies for the heteronormative view of weddings in this post; I flatly refuse to believe any queers would be caught dead wearing any of this.
|Been waiting for your special day forever? This is the perfect dress to wear getting married ten years after you die.|
|This isn't a wedding dress. It's a horseriding outfit with a sling to carry your parasitic twin. |
|Why are you hunched over like that dear are you cold? No wonder, you're pretty much naked from the waist up. Here, I've got a spare cardi. |
|Probably sounded better in the original German.|
|There's spiders in there, I just know it.|
|That awkward moment when you realise you've both been knocked up by the same guy. |
|Reagan from The Exorcist is all grown up and getting married.|
|Whilst many brides seek to incorporate their love of gaming into those special touches that make a wedding unique, dressing as the Arch-Vile is taking it a tad too far.|
|Please wait until after exiting the plane before inflating your flotation devices.|