I Don't Understand...

12 January 2007

  • ...celebrity relationship break-ups. Whenever a celebrity couple calls it quits, they always release a statement saying that they still love each other and remain the best of friends. If they're so darn friendly, why don't they stay together? I'd like to see a celeb break-up statement saying "Mr. Abs and Miss Tit Lift have ended their relationship after three hate-filled months. Mr Abs will be getting drunk and breaking Miss Tit Lift's windows, whilst she sleeps with Mr Abs' best friend in a quest for petty revenge."

  • ...electric staplers. How much stapling are you doing that you need an electical appliance to do it for you? If the answer is "enough", may I suggest you get a hobby.

  • ...why a person would drive to the gym to use the treadmill.

  • ...how or why a person with even sub-normal intelligence would send off a resume with an email address such as sexy169@isp.com. This is no urban legend; I recently sorted through some resumes sent in to my company and at least 25% of them had a completely unacceptable email address. Which brings me to my second misunderstanding - how is it that these people are not all unemployed hobos?

  • ...how the tasks of nearly every job on the planet can be neatly fitted in between the hours of 9am and 5pm, with no more or less time required. Obviously it can't be true. There must be a lot of time going to waste there, so why can't we all stop kidding ourselves?

  • ...why old ladies will sit at a bus stop for fifteen minutes and then only begin to fumble around for their money when buying their tickets, as though it never occurred to them that they would be expected to pay.

  • ...why people give teddy bears and teddy bear-adorned clothing to small children. Ducks and chicks are understandable, they are kind of cute. But bears are savage, bad-tempered beasts who smell. Are people saying they subconciously feel that way about small children?

  • ...just why I haven't been fired yet. I guess the company understands the 9 to 5 thing.

    1. What is an acceptable email address? People chuckle at mine the first time 'round.

    2. For purposes of applying for a job, as close to firstname.lastname as one can possibly get.

      For all other purposes, go nuts.

      Speaking of email, I've been meaning to...(give me ten minutes)

    3. I've taken to using single-use addresses for most job applications based on the number of recruiters that sell resumes direct to spam companies. When you create an address of yourname-014@domain for recruiter number 14 and start getting spam to that address a week later, you know you've got another organisation to ignore.

    4. You are soooo spot on with this list. With your first point I think of Cameron and JT and the sad demise of their relationship...but of course they are still 'the best of friends'...

      I don't get the point of the whole exercise with no purpose thing like going to a gym and going through the motions like a mouse in a cage...I'd much rather exercise with a purpose like learn a new dance or hike or something...

      People can be so strange with their email addresses too...so true. You would think it would occur to them that their potential employer may be a little thrown by something a bit 'out there'.

      And don't get me started on the whole old ladies digging for change at the bus stop thing - what is with that?? They have all the time in the world so just get organised!!

      I don't know why I haven't been fired yet - I'm hoping / expecting it to happen one day soon.

      Great post!!

    5. When the temperatures drop below -20 C (like right now), believe me, you aint running anywhere outside!

    6. Oh, and if you're going to judge a potential of an employee on the words they have for an email address rather than their ability to actually perform the job required then you're in a very sad profession.

      And there are many many Australians who work well beyond the 9-5 hours. You would be staggered if you discovered the number of unpaid overtime hours put in by Australian workers. More than enough to employ thousands of fulltime employees.

    7. BSE - there's a special corner of hell reserved for the spammers.

      Tracey - Thanks. I think the point the old ladies are trying to make is that they have time to waste, and they like to annoy those of us who don't.

      Asthixias - no, hornyguy78 is NEVER an acceptable email address for a job application. Why do you read this blog if it annoys you so?

    8. Ahh, the republican approach to debate. I don't agree with you so you can just go home and leave me to say and do as I wish. And I thought you claimed to be centre-left.

      I agree with some of what you say on this site, although it is far too watered down and rose-flavoured to be of much interest. But if you want to keep to your support base who agree with everything you say I shall take my business elsewhere.

    9. I've never eaten roses. I hope the ones you're eating haven't been peed on by a passing dog.

    10. OK point taken. I'll leave you to your delusions of adequacy.


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