...celebrity relationship break-ups. Whenever a celebrity couple calls it quits, they always release a statement saying that they still love each other and remain the best of friends. If they're so darn friendly, why don't they stay together? I'd like to see a celeb break-up statement saying "Mr. Abs and Miss Tit Lift have ended their relationship after three hate-filled months. Mr Abs will be getting drunk and breaking Miss Tit Lift's windows, whilst she sleeps with Mr Abs' best friend in a quest for petty revenge."
...electric staplers. How much stapling are you doing that you need an electical appliance to do it for you? If the answer is "enough", may I suggest you get a hobby.
...why a person would drive to the gym to use the treadmill.
...how or why a person with even sub-normal intelligence would send off a resume with an email address such as email@example.com. This is no urban legend; I recently sorted through some resumes sent in to my company and at least 25% of them had a completely unacceptable email address. Which brings me to my second misunderstanding - how is it that these people are not all unemployed hobos?
...how the tasks of nearly every job on the planet can be neatly fitted in between the hours of 9am and 5pm, with no more or less time required. Obviously it can't be true. There must be a lot of time going to waste there, so why can't we all stop kidding ourselves?
...why old ladies will sit at a bus stop for fifteen minutes and then only begin to fumble around for their money when buying their tickets, as though it never occurred to them that they would be expected to pay.
...why people give teddy bears and teddy bear-adorned clothing to small children. Ducks and chicks are understandable, they are kind of cute. But bears are savage, bad-tempered beasts who smell. Are people saying they subconciously feel that way about small children?
...just why I haven't been fired yet. I guess the company understands the 9 to 5 thing.