Showing posts from 2006

2006 - A Vauge Look Back At The Past Year Or So

It's been yet another year. A year of highs and lows. A year of joy and sorrow. A year of gains - more clothing, six inches more hair, at least eight kilos - and we've had to say goodbye to those who are no longer with us, such as the microwave. Of course, the biggest thrill has been learning I've been named (and I'm sure Xander is included) as Time magazine's Person Of The Year , and about time too. So let's take a look back and see how we earned it. January Nico starts the year as she means to continue - making promises she has no intention of keeping. Her job seems like a lot of work. She develops an enormous prejudice against bigoted people. Money is spent, therefore assuring the long term survival of Australian clothing and alcohol retailers. In the larger world, the obvious solutions to global warming and terrorism are rejected, which is bad news for the planet but not for Nico, as it ensures she has plenty to blog about. February Xander reasserts his d

Monday Follies...and A Favour To Ask

Monday Follies? Well, although it may cause the time/space continum to collapse, we all need something to get us through the last tough week before Xmas. So go check out the Poligoths . Quite tremendous. Then the Onion presents Xmas gifts you really don't want from your comapny and slogans you hope not to see when doing that last minute shopping. ***** All right, now the favour. (You didn't think you'd get something for nothing now, did you? There's a number of collections of "best blog posts of 2006" being put together right now. I wouldn't get on anyone else's list, but in the spirit of the Xander and Nico Pod, I'd like to slap together a half-assed collection of my if there's any posts this year which particularly tickled you, leave a comment and I'll post a list of the best five or so. Of course, finding your favourite posts, may be a challenge as, being a Luddite, I'm refusing to make the switch to Beta and thus have no

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like...

*Tumbleweed blows past* Yes, the Pod's been pretty quiet lately. A lot of blogs are right about now. That's usually because their owners are on hiatus. One surfs over to a blog last updated in late November, and imagines its writer merrily trimming a tree in a cosy room beautifully lit by a crackling fireplace, whilst rosy cheeked children look on with delight; or else on holiday, floating on a lilo in a resort swimming pool, thinking "My blog? The hell with that." That's not the case with me, I'm afraid. I have bloggers block. Now, as you have probably worked out by now, I don't work very hard on my blog posts, but that's because for the better ones, the idea will pop into my head at random, shortly followed by a few witty remarks, and all I have to to is transcribe it and pad it out a little. But that hasn't happened recently, and I blame Christmas. Apart from the fact that it's socially acceptable to drink a lot more than usual, there's

Another Of My Insightful Post's

I sometimes feel as though I am waging a one-woman battle against the poor spelling, inaccurate punctuation, and general incomprehensibility that seems to be taking over modern communication. But I'm very pleased to report a minor, yet very personal, victory. In my local shopping centre, there's a shoe repair/engraving shop which featured signs saying "KEY'S CUT". This used to send me into a lather of indignation. These weren't handwritten signs you understand, but professionally made signs someone had ordered and someone else had made up like this. I would pass that stand a couple of times a week, and every time I did a voice in my head would exclaim, "KEY'S CUT? KEY'S CUT!!! It's a plural, not a possessive!" I mean, key's what cut? Does key know you're cutting their stuff? Then last weekend I was out shopping with some friends, who wandered over to the shop to look at possible christening presents. I followed, saying in a voice

The Original Reality Television

Idols may come and housemates may go, but the news remains the original and the best source for humour, stupidity and downright weirdness. The new U.S. defence secretary has admitted the U.S. is not winning the war in Iraq . The breakfast news commentary this morning went on to say, "This puts him at odds with U.S. President George W. Bush, who claims that he U.S. is winning in Iraq". For a flash of the bleeding obvious, I suppose the next big news story will be, "Defence Secretary Gates has admitted the Earth is not flat. As opposed to George W. Bush, who still claims the Earth is flat." In yet another example of prima donna-like sports star behaviour, Matt Rogers is threatening to sit out the Rugby Union season unless the Wallabies release him from his contract so he can go back to playing league. What is with this man? He starts as a league player for NSW, then switches to Queensland. Then he dumps league altogther and plays rugby for NSW. Now he wants to retun

What Do You Think?

Yes, it's offical. Kevin Rudd is now Labor leader , defeating Kim Beazley 49 votes to 39. As Tony Abbott memorably put it, Labor has chosen the potential disaster over the proven failure. Or even more cruelly, as a wag commenting at News Ltd wrote, "Ladies and gentlemen, the deck chairs have been rearranged, and Ms Dion will now sing." I don't think it's as bad as all that, but I'm surely not the only one with a very bad feeling about this (see my previous post for why. In fact, while you're at it, see the posts from October 2004 ). All the talk of Newspoll results fails to impress me; after all, Labor's standing in the polls improved dramatically during the early months of the Latham leadership. There's only one poll that counts - the one that Labor always loses. It's hard not to feel sorry for Kim Beazley. All those years of work, all that effort and it repeatedly gets taken away from him as he's on the verge of...losing another election

It's Deja Vu All Over Again

Here we are, it's nearly Christmas and ten months till the next Federal election. What does that mean kiddies? Labor leadership challenge! Well, maybe. Although Labor is ahead of the Coalition in the polls right now on a two party preferred basis, the erstwhile opposition leader Kim Beazley is having a rather unpleasant time of it lately. One might come to the uncharitable conclusion that his diet has left him so hungry he couldn't resist putting his foot in his mouth, but really, mistaking Karl Rove for Rove McManus was an astonishing faux pas - not only in itself, but for what it suggests. Polls are showing that voters would overwhelmingly prefer a Rudd/Gillard team to lead the Labor party. And although there are widespread grumbles in the Labor party that a leadership change is needed, supporters are coming out to announce their full confidence in Beazley, which means that things are looking very grim for him indeed. A seemingly unelectable Labor leader being replaced by t

So, Notice Anything Different?

I can't believe none of you noticed! Okay, fine. After a decade of being bespectacled, I bit the bullet (bet you can't say that three times fast) and got contacts. There was no one single reason. I needed an eye test. I'm tired of glasses. And I can afford it now. So after putting it off for six months (that's nothing, by my standards), off I went to the optometrist. I was suprisingly unafraid, apart of course from my biggest fear - how the f**k much is this gonna cost me? Well, there's nothing to make one feel like an idiot like being unable to accomplish a task that children can manage - that Homer Simpson can manage! It took my poor, and exceedingly patient, optometrist twenty minutes to get the lenses in himself the first time. Then it took me an hour to do it myself under his instruction. Now, I'm not a very patient person. I get frustrated very quickly, usually throwing away whatever it is I'm trying to do, accompanied by loud profanities (and that

The Follies That Pass All Understanding

As I was hunting down the usual gang of idiocies for the Friday follies, I came across a story far more, well, folly-like: A 92 year old woman in Atlanta killed on Tuesday in a police-shoot out...after shooting three officers who were attempting to search her home for drugs (no, I haven't made this up !) A niece of the elderly woman said her aunt kept an old pistol in her house: "I don't know what kind and it was rusty but apparently it was working well". The elderly were so much better-behaved in my day.

Rediscovering The Pool

Yesterday afternoon, following an optometrist's appointment (of which much more anon) I was wandering the mall and feeling a bit low, so I decided to buy myself a little something to cheer myself up. I looked at some DVDs and clothes, but nothing really tickled me. Then as I was walking past the book shop I saw Lisey's Story , the new novel from Stephen King, on display. I hadn't even heard of it and certainly hadn't intended to buy it, but next thing I knew I'd handed over the money and was heading home with a carrier bag in my hand. As I've mentioned here before, I don't really read novels. I do have several fiction works which I re-read and enjoy very much; 1984 , Pride and Prejudice , The House Of The Spirits ...but when it comes to how long it's been since I sat down with a new novel to read, we're counting in years, not months. Anyway, I settled in with my new purchase. I was a little apprehensive reading the plot summary - it sounded, to be h

From The Slime To The Ridiculous

I must be psychic. Sure enough, the protesters made a huge kerfuffle at the G20 summit, and therefore no one knows what actually went on there. I was rather alarmed to see that the alleged leader of the student protest group is twenty-eight. 28 ! I can sort of understand why protesting might be appealing to a twenty year old, but frankly by 28, one should know better. What the heck is he doing at uni at 28 anyway? I suppose he might be a doctoral student. But I know a few doctoral students, and none of them are charging at police truck windows armed with crash barriers. Listen you lot: cut off your dreadlocks, wash your clothes, and go get jobs. ******** The silly season is upon us again. Just as you know Xmas is on it's way when you see decorations going up in the shops, so when you start being bombarded with political propaganda, there's an election around the corner. It's just 124 days to the NSW state election, and over the weekend an independent candidate for my local

Out With The Old And In With The Nucleus

Well, times change and bloggers come and go. So Xander and Nico would like to extend a warm welcome to the new members of our "blogs of real note" list at right. Some are funny, some thought-provoking, they all have something worthwhile to say. Visit them lots.

The Confused Blogger's Guide To The G20 Summit

So the G20 , the group of the world's twenty leading industrialised nations, is having their annual s hindig summit this weekend in Melbourne. But what's happening at the summit? Who is actually attending? What will they be discussing, deciding on? It's hard to make out. All the media coverage of the event is focusing on is the heightened security in Melbourne, and the protesters. The "heightened security threat" seems to be - can you believe it! - a media beat up. Seven news this morning made it sound like the whole Melbourne CBD is in lockdown, but a source on the ground speaking exclusively to Xander and Nico said that, apart from an extra security guard or two in front of major buildings, there's very little that's different to normal. Meanwhile, the protesters are actually having the opposite effect from the one I hope they intended, by diverting attention from the real issues...whatever those may be. There must be few things a news producer enjoys m

Now She Thinks She's A 1990s Stand Up Comic

But seriously forks, what's with ? I mean, have you seen this thing? Basically, it's a site where women can post profiles and pictures of their exes, listing all the dastardly things they've done, in order to to warn future victims. The current affairs shows are up in arms over it, wheeling out psychologists who condemn the posters as vengeful saddos needing to get on with their lives (you'd think ACA, Today Tonight et al would love the site - it "names and shames", after all!). Anyway, with the usual rigorous quality control standards which we all have come to expect from the internet, it's a morass of slander, innuendo and (this is what really gets me) lousy spelling. Of course, there are utter bastards out there, but there are also vindictive people putting unwarranted profiles up with nothing to stop them. Okay, sometimes revenge really is needed, but using the internet seems pretty tacky. If one needs to get one's own back on a

Friday Follies - Special Edition

America decides...what Australia will be doing in a year's time Us whining, cowardly, pinko liberals the world over are celebrating this week. Thanks to the votes of some Americans, the Democrats have swept to power in the U.S. I'll leave the analysis to those who care about that kind of thing, and get on with some election humour. Enjoy some of the most "memorable" quotes of the election. Of course, the best stuff comes from the Onion. So, as politicians sweep the elections , the Republicans are of course blaming their losses on Democrats (have a look through all the news briefs while you're there). What better way to celebrate the resignation of Chicken Little Donald Rumsfeld, than with a great collection of Rumsfeld jokes , and the Time cover we've been waiting to see . Don't feel too sorry for the man though - I'm sure he can find a shoulder to cry on . Then we move on to the unintentionally hilarious. Piers Akerman tries to convince himself th


Okay, I'm feeling better now. I realise it's better for us all that they be happily divorced than happily married. Moving on... We're approaching the end of yet another year of Australian Idol . I'm so excited that...q 5e-y834]-6u8 bk;6j4b80 98hi4i074b09 (Sorry, I fell asleep and went face down on the keyboard). This is the fourth year of Idol in Australia though, and they seem to be running out of ideas. Take the theme nights - what with viewers choice, Idol's choice, and whatever else they've come up with this year, there's been hardly any genre based theme nights at all. Allow me to make the following suggestions: Australian Idol Theme Nights I'd Like To See: Boney M night Songs from The Simpsons (I bet Bobby Flynn would've done something interesting with "We Put The Spring In Springfield") Number Ones from the day the contestant was conceived German Beer Hall Songs Night (With thigh slapping) Idol...the failures (songs from former co

Oh Gnoes!

Britney Spears has filed for divorce from Kevin Federline. I'm in complete shock. They seemed like such a perfect couple. I thought they'd be together forever, but if they can't make it, what chance do the rest of us have? No wonder my generation is so terrified of marriage. You think the world is a wonderful place, then this happens. I don't know what to believe anymore.

What Does A Leftie Do?

We've all seen the jokes... Teachers do it nine months a year Painters do it on plastic sheets Photographers do it in dark rooms ...and so on. But are there any good lefty/liberal "do it" jokes? What do we do? The best I've come up with is "Lefties do it with indignation." Yawn. Or - "Lefties do it with everyone." Better, but not great. Anyone got any others? Please submit your suggestions in the comments - I'll put the best ones in a later post. ~~~ Obviously today I was going to write a high-minded post about Saddam Hussein and the death sentence. But everyone else got there before me. It's hell being a lazy blogger. Interesting, though, that the verdict was announced in time for the last full news day before the U.S. midterm elections (oh, I'm sure it was just a coincidence).

All Those Who Believe In Psychokinesis, Raise My Hand

Well, it was Halloween yesterday, and I've noticed a new phenomenon: people in Australia now celebrating Halloween as a holiday. Far from bemoaning this example of the incresing encroachement of American culture, I really don't mind; anything which manages to hold off Christmas for a while longer has to be a good thing. For most people it's just an excuse to celebrate a holiday, and why not. But I was amused yesterday when a couple of people told me that they were going to visit psychics or attempting to contact dead relatives, since on Halloween, the boundaries between "us" and the spirit world are thinner than at any other time. Then I realised that they were serious. I don't really understand all that stuff. Tarot cards, horoscopes, palm reading - as a Cancer, I don't believe in it. But it's harmless enough. What does irritate me though are psychics. Often I listen to the radio before going to sleep at night, and once a week my local station has a p

Where Have All The Peace Freaks Gone?

Last night I watched the Australian music industry awards - the Arias - and I must remember to get new batteries for the DVD remote. As I've said before, I don't really know modern music, so basically the artists last night were divided into those I don't know very well, and those I don't know at all. It was about as familiar as watching the Eurovision song contest, except without the amusement of seeing a blonde lurex-clad Swedish lass belting out "Loff me, don't liff me!" or two ageing Dutch hippies singing "Zip Zip Zip... Zap! " What there was instead was a mostly uncontroversial variety-style love-in. I may not know much about rock n roll, but isn't it supposed to be about... rebellion ? And yet, even though we live in "these troubled times", no one referred to them in their speeches. Until Midnight Oil rocked up (and that term is used advisedly) as they were deservingly inducted into the ARIA Hall Of Fame. Followng tributes fr

Mea Culpa

Sorry, I know I haven't been around much lately. Nothing's wrong, I'm just busy with my new job...and feeling a bit burnt out. Think I need a holiday, actually (I haven't had the chance since then , and now things are two months worse!) One way or the other, I'll get back to posting soon; I've got about 5 half-written posts saved that I've been too busy, frazzled, or not-funny-and-smart-enough to complete!

That Was...The Week That Still Is

We know in the hectic modern world, it can be hard to keep up with the news. Being the kindly and condescending sorts we are, Xander and Nico are here to help, looking back at the week that is (almost) past. In the face of Australia's worst-ever drought, the Federal government has announced a $2 billion drought relief package for farmers. However, for the first time I can remember, people are actually criticising the aid, claiming unviable small farms should be left to go under. The government of course immediatley labelled these views "un-Australian". I'm inclined to agree with the critics though. After all, in any other industry, if you're business is untenable, you need to do something else. Why should farmers be any different? World War...(what number are we up to now?) hasn't broken out over the North Korean nuclear test yet. But the U.N. has imposed sanctions , so it seems the global community is in "wait and see" mode. Also, things aren't

Xander Says: I Guess I'll Have To Post Myself

What's a cat to do when his Mum is too busy to post? Sit in the sink! Honestly, I'm not used to having to do things for myself, but Mum is hardly ever home lately, and when she is, she complains about how busy she is... Mum's never home because she's "at work", and apparently her new job is really hard. At least, that's the impression I get from when she returns in the evenings, lies down on the kitchen floor, and moans "I've had the day from hell " ...every single day. She's also stressing about buying a house. I don't know why it's so hard. Normally when Mum buys a house, it only takes a few seconds, but then she starts to lose, throws a tantrum and shoves the Monopoly board away. Maybe this time she's worried abut being sent to jail? But what's really bad, is she doesn't buy drinks any more. Well, she still buys cheap drinks, like juice, but she won't buy the fun drinks, like green apple vodka. I miss it, Mum w

We're Only There Because We Love Them

Suprise, suprise - Australia's Defence Minister, Brendan Nelson, has once again popped up in the news to re-state the Howard Government's position that Australian troops won't be leaving Iraq as long as they are in power. Almost everyone else is at least considering leaving. Even, Tony Blair now says he agrees with a call for UK troops to withdraw soon. As for the other members of the Coalition Of The Willing - well, you can see for yourself that most of them seem to have given it up as a hopeless business. But not Australia. The Government hangs stubbornly, grimly on to the idea that staying in Iraq is the right, the only thing to do. Well, they have to say that don't they. They can't admit that they were wrong, and they certainly won't say to the U.S. "Thanks, but we're gonna call it a day." Instead they keep feeding us, the Australian public, lines - they might even believe them themselves. One of the most frequent ones we here is, "An A

Of Tattoos and Grease and Bad Language

There's something rarefied and special about a day off that a weekend just doesn't have. I think it's the sense of guilty pleasure - everyone else is at the office - but I'm not. The best pleasures are the guilty ones, after all...*takes surreptitious swig from vodka bottle hidden in desk drawer* Hic. Where was I? Well, although I've outlined a day at the office before, I've never described what I get up to on a day off. And as yesterday was, sadly, my Last Day Off, I thought I should do something to mark the occasion... So I left the laundry unwashed, the bills unpaid, and headed to the tattoo parlour. The tattoo on my ankle I had done last year ( see it here ), I've never been entirely happy with, as it wasn't really the design I wanted. I wasn't sure what could be done to fix it, but just decided to get the centre fillled with purple as well. It took the guy all of three minutes to do, and he said he felt bad for charging me anything, but he had

To Tech News Now...

The big story this week is that Google has bought YouTube . Google paid $US1.65 billion for the company, far in excess of even the $US580 million which Rupert Murdoch paid for MySpace back in July. The thing is, only a few weeks ago, the tech press were falling over themselves to write off YouTube as an investment, citing the fact that YouTube is likely to face huge law suits, a la Napster, due to it's breach of copyright laws. Mark Curran even famously declared that "only a moron would buy You Tube". Now though, they're lauding Google's investment. Either the tech press are in Google's pocket, accepting pressure from Google not to run stories that affect the company's value...or they just like jumping on the "If Google says it, it must be good!" bandwagon. Seriously though, why can't I think of some innovative internet phenomena that would acquire a cult following, go mainstream, and allow me to sell it for millions? It wouldn't nec

A New World Awaits

North Korea has apparently followed through on it's threats and carried out a test of a nuclear weapon . Apparently, the test was carried out at 11:36am AEST - the same time as South Korean monitors detected a 3.58 magnitude seismic disturbance. There's very little information available at this stage. The North Koreans claim that there's been no radiation leakage as a result, but they did conduct the test on a Monday...and we all know how sloppy output can be on back-to-work Monday. Aside from any environmental damage that may result, the political implication of this are staggering. As John Bolton, U.S. Ambassador to the U.N., said on Friday , “We think the main point is that North Korea should understand how strongly the United States and other council members feel that they should not test this nuclear device...And if they do test it, it will be a very different world a day after the test.” Will the U.S. invade if they know a country actually has WMDs? Will there be a m
The Five Hundreth Xander says: When Mum asked if I would contribute a few words on the occasion of the Pod's 500th post, naturally my first question was: "What's in it for me?" And she asked if I'd like to start getting my own meals and cleaning up my own messes. So, I'm taking time out from my busy "shedding winter coat all over the house" schedule to thank all of you who've dropped in to read this, left a comment, and - which is the most important - remarked on how gorgeous I am. (It's all the beauty sleep I get). It's true. 500 posts. Which is pretty respectable, considering when I started this thing (990 days ago, to be precise) I thought I'd get bored with it after a few weeks. So where have we gone since we started? Well, it was nearly three years ago, so obviously I'm a few months older than I was back then. This blogging thing was such a novelty, and I wasn't sure what to do with it. But I do know I was addicted - in
Re D D warf Fans, Rejoice! Last night, I saw a story on the news* about an interesting new technological development; computer-generated digitised personalities which appear through a user's digital television, a post-millenial update on Max Headroom (whom my generation may remember as that vaugely scary guy from Saturday morning TV). The primary motivation behind this is the idea that they could serve as companions to the elderly, disabled and otherwise housebound. Of course, this is a very worthwhile ambition, but as a Red Dwarf fan, my initial reaction was far more selfish. It would mean I could finally achieve one of my long-held dreams - and I don't mean make sweet, sweet love to Rimmer in his red gingham dress. No, I could have my own Holly in my house! (Norman Lovett version, obviously). Aside from it just being awesome to have a Holly for its own sake, think of the possibilites! I would be elevated to the status of goddess amongst (wo)men. Receive answers to any quest

Friday Folly Your Brains Out

It's a long weekend 'round the Xander and Nico way, so here's a batch of follies to keep you going until we return and you don't have to think for yourselves anymore. From Overheard in New York: you try these one-liners! Blockbuster getting really desperate for custom these days The guys on the treadmills (for both the people who haven't seen it yet) Engrish isn't limited to Japan If like me, you are addicted to lip balm, help is here Then no wonder people stayed virgins for longer back then Truth in blogging ... Finally, classic Overheard at the beach to celebrate the approaching summer. See you when I can be bothered getting up off the bean bag!

Let's Put This Behind Us

Being as how I'm too old, I never got to blog as a teenager. But imagine an adult's post, written by a teenager... AAAGHH! I had the WORST day at work today. The day started badly because I looked in the paper and the prices of all my shares had dropped and I was sad :( So then I get to work and my boss was all, "Have you finished your preliminary budget report yet?" And I'm like "Yeah, yeah, I'm nearly finished! LAY OFF BITCH!" Went to cafe for lunch and had risotto which was yummy. But performance reviews are coming up and I am freaking!!! I hate this office, I can't wait till I'm more experienced then I can leave and go somewhere better they won't nag me all the time. I went shopping for a bit. I bought a new pair of shoes. Even though it seems like my credit card statement yells at me when I buy new stuff. It was worth it they are SO gorgeous with a patent upper and great arch support. I looooove patent leather!!! I miss all my friend

We Can All Be Greatful For The Silence

According to a recent news story, several prominent Australian musicians are refusing to go to Iraq to play for the troops there. Pete Murray, the Whitlams, and Augie March are amongst those who say they won't perform Christmas concerts for the troops in Iraq, as they don't agree with the war. Even Col Joye, an entertainment industry veteran who performed for the troops in Vietnam, refused to go to Iraq, saying, "Sooner or later you have to stand up and say what you think. In Vietnam, we didn't know any better." Meanwhile, the Defence Minister, Brendan Nelson, has chided the musicians for not being able to seperate the politics of the war from the sacrifices being made by the troops. Well, it's not this story itself that's especially interesting. I won't describe the Australian contingent serving in Iraq as tokenistic (not this time, anyway) but there are only 450 Australian soldiers on the ground in Iraq at present. So the issue of providing enterta

Give A Little, Get A Little

Well, eagle-eyed readers may have noticed we've had a slight face-lift around the Pod. I won't be doing another major overhaul for a while, but I did want to freshen the place up a bit. (Also, I've always wanted a userpic where I look rather aloof and mysterious). So to mark the occasion, I'm borrowing an idea which I saw on another blog and just had to swipe for myself: ask me anything time! Put any questions (well, almost any questions) you have for us in the comments, and I'll post the answers on Thursday. Whether you want to know more about Xander and Nico, or you just want help with your homework, this is your chance.

A New Day Dawns...Much Too Early

Of all the things that have been annoying me lately, burglar alarms is the one really getting me into a lather. Barely a week goes by that I'm not woken up at 4am at least one morning by an alarm in one of the commercial buildings nearby. It usually lasts at least an hour and destroys any chances of getting back to sleep (not least because the sound of the alarm sends my cat into a frenzy). What on Earth is the point of having a security alarm on a property anyway? I doubt that it has every actually stopped a burglary. When was the last time you heard a security alarm and thought "Goodness me, there must be a break-in taking place. I must go at once and apprehend the scoundrel"? No, if you're like me, the only reaction you'll have is to scream "TURN OFF THAT F UC KING ALARM!" and pull a pillow over your ears in the vain hope of muffling the god-awful noise. Or you might go one step further. I haven't seen any statistics on this, but I wouldn't be

The Illustrated Guide To...

S k i t t l e s V o d k a ! "Hey Apu, have you got any of that beer with candy floating in it? You know - skittle brau?" "No, but this is better!" In time to get it ready for the weekend, here is my so-easy-a-drunk-could-do-it (which is kind of the point!) guide to making your own, fabulous...skittle vodka! You will need a 700mL bottle of vodka and a 250gram (share-pack size) packet of skittles, another empty bottle, a funnel and a tea strainer. Start by pouring out about 1/4 of the vodka, to make room for the skittles (you might at this stage want to do a quality-control taste test of the vodka). Then, put all of the skittles except for the green ones , into the bottle (the green skittles will turn the skittle vodka brown). Then give the bottle a good shake to get the colours to mix, and leave it to stand. Over the next few hours, the skittles will slowly start to dissolve. After three hours Over the next two days, the skittles will dissolve, and the sugar will f

I Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Keep Complaining!

Well, I've had the weekend from hell . Recently I decided the time has come to move house. Call me precious, but I've reached the stage in my life where I want a house that doesn't threaten to fall over every time I sneeze. So last week I put in an application for a place that's just perfect; affordable, quiet leafy street yet close to where things are happening, and best of all, only 50 metres from Boof and Funky's house! (For some reason, they're not so keen). But I haven't heard back from the real estate agent yet, and the place was advertised again on Saturday. *Sigh* Back to the search... Then there was the football on Saturday night. Yikes . Watching the Knights get steam rolled 50-6 by the Broncos, the second-worst defeat in finals history, was a truly horrible experience. It was like an eighty-minute, slow-motion car crash you just couldn't stop looking at. All the commentators remarked how sorry they felt for the players. The players? It's a

The Ten Point Plan For A Better Australia

From the "silly" files...Kim Beazley has copped a lot of flack from all sides for his proposal that everyone who visits Australia would have to agree on their visa application to respect Australian values whilst they are here. Merely obeying Australian laws is not enough. Tourists would also need to agree to show respect for women, tolerance and mateship. Now, I do believe that those who wish to settle permanently in Australia need to make an effort to integrate and respect our way of life. But how does making visitors agree to this help us any? How would it work anyway? Nearly five million foreign visitors come to Australia each year. Who is going to monitor whether they're respecting Australian values? Imagine a situation where the "values police" board a tour bus and pull a guy off, saying to him, "Whilst in Australia, you've been keeping to yourself and not making friends with the rest of the tour group. You're not displaying 'mateship'

2,996: A Tribute To Yvonne Kennedy

Yvonne Kennedy, of Sydney, Australia, dedicated her life to helping those who needed her. She was volunteered for the Australian Red Cross between 1976 and 1990, for which she recieved the Australian Red Cross Service Award in 1986. After her husband Barry passed away in 1990, Mrs Kennedy took up the role of NSW State Coordinator of the Voluntary Aid Service Corp (VASC) for the Australian Red Cross, recieving the service's State Distinguished Service Award on May 8, 2001. Shortly after, she retired aged 62, following 25 years of service to the Australian Red Cross. Mrs Kennedy then took a well-earned retirement tour of the US and Canada. Whilst in North America she got to experience things she'd always wanted to do, such as white water rafting - "Pretty amazing for a 62 year old woman", as her son said at the memorial service. On Friday 7 September, she sent an email to a friend to let her know she was returning from "a wonderful trip". On the morning of Tue

Making Plans For O.J.

If you were greivously far would you go to get some sort of justice? Recently Fred Goldman, the father of Ron, who was murdered along with Nicole Brown Simpson in 1994, filed a lawsuit seeking to gain O.J. Simpson's publicity rights, as Simpson has never paid the damages awarded against him in the wrongful death case. Ostensibly, this is so Mr Goldman can receive the monies from O.J.'s public apppearances. But just think. If Mr Goldman wins the case, he could use O.J. Simpson's image for... anything . If it were me, I wouldn't be able to resist the comedic possibilities of this. Nor the chance to get a little revenge. I'd start by putting O.J.'s face to a line of butcher's knives. Maybe launch the O.J. law firm, specialising in defending people accused of sex offences. The latest SUV, "The O.J." 100% guaranteed (as opposed to 90% guaranteed, for regular SUVs) to roll on sharp turns. I wouldn't stop by making O.J. "endorse&qu