Screw the disabled! Labor shows their truly depressing colours. Again.

04 December 2023

 Amazingly, there are still people who believe the traditional red of the ALP is that of their hearts bleeding for people experiencing hardship and disadvantage. And whilst some of these people are talkback radio hosts egging their audience on to a fury of be-spittled rage, some are actually Labor supporters who believe their party is on the side of the right and good. 

New York: so good I went there twice - Sikamikanico in America, Part IV

01 October 2023

I should have realised sooner that I wouldn’t gasp when I first saw New York. 

Screw you Pay Pal

06 September 2023
I thought The Onion's feature on Kafka International Airport was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Then I started living in a Kafkaesque nightmare, and it's not so funny anymore. 

My Dell laptop is coming to the end of its useful life, so back on July 24 I ordered a new one directly from the Dell Australia website. For a largish purchase like this, I figured the safest and easiest way to pay would be to use Pay Pal. 

Oh, what an innocent creature I was back then.

A turn about the bush

06 June 2023

When music legend Tina Turner recently passed away, the mourning was felt particularly keenly in Australia. Ms Turner had a particularly rapt following in Australia for her wildly successful partnership with rugby league, Turner's hit "Simply the Best" still recognised as a league anthem decades on. 

But across Australia, and even in the non league states, Ms Turner was known and beloved by Australians because every child in Australia is taught the Nutbush. We are the only country that does this, and no one knows why it has somehow become a staple of the Australian education system to indoctrinate children into line dancing (it seems it was the NSW Department of Education who came up with the dance steps, which Ms Turner herself is not known to have ever performed).  

I never learned the Nutbush, since observing and carrying out a simple sequence of steps requires more physical skill than I will ever possess, but teaching schoolchildren the Nutbush provides two important benefits. First, it means there is a foolproof way to ascertain if those children, when grown to adulthood, are bogans: you did the Nutbush at your wedding? Congratulations, you're a bogan. But more importantly, it diverts schools from their weird obsession with teaching kids bush dances. 

Because for some reason, in 2023, schools still seem to believe that there is some physical and educational benefit in teaching children bush dancing, as I learned when my 11 year old came home from school, launched himself face down onto the sofa, and at length raised his head to gloomily announce that this term, his class was learning Australian bush dances. They still insist on mandating children partner wtith the opposite sex to take a turn around the school basketball court? Why can't the kids just play cricket or something? Australian children's performance in maths has been declining against the global average for two decades, which reactionary types like to blame on wokeness afflicting state curriculums. I know where the real blame lies; the weird obsession with Australian children's proficiency in the Pride of Erin.  

I suppose that in the rural Australia of the 19th Century where bush dancing evolved, there was some benefit in encouraging the mixing of the sexes in an atmosphere of wholesome fun (before everyone snuck out round the back of the shed to get drunk, have sex and slaughter the traditional owners of the land), but that seems like a rather antiquated goal now. I asked Mr 11 if he wanted me to write him a note asking that he be excused from dancing on the grounds that it's heteronormative bullshit, but he said the consequences of that would be worse than falling over the two left feet he's inherited. 

I guess I did find a use for the bush dancing I was taught; using those skills for the first time ever to (badly) teach Mr 11 the heel and toe polka, to Machu Picchu by the Strokes. 

The dancing sucked, but the song works surprisingly well with it, if you time things so the clapping bit of the dance lines up with the guitar interludes. Try it at home! I wonder if the band planned it that way; Lord knows syncing a song about drug use, crime and the troubled sexual mores of modern times with a traditional dance routinely taught to Australian schoolchildren wouldn't be the strangest thing Julian Casablancas has done. 

Reading Wangs

16 May 2023
Reading recently that some celebrity or other had gone with a Vera Wang wedding dress - they all seem to - it occurred to me that I have no idea why Wang is the leading name in bridal couture, a subject never of much interest to me, but I decided to take a look at the Vera Wang website for the first time and see just what makes these gowns so special. 

The Big Easy in New Orleans - Sikamikanico in America, Part III

31 March 2023

I first visited New Orleans back in 1996 when I was too young to legally drink, even by Australian standards, and I vowed to go again one day when I was old enough, when I'd party on Bourbon St.

The road to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon - Sikamikanico in America, Part II

17 January 2023

If you want to get up close and personal when seeing a country, there’s no better way to travel than long distance bus.

Los Angeles - Sikamikanico in America, Part I

08 January 2023

My epic American journey got off to a rough start, but I love LA too much to care. 

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