The Plot Thickens!

08 March 2005
Late Sunday night, the office was broken into again...and this time they actually got in, smashing 3 heavy steel bolts on the door (a 2ft long pair of blot-cutters was found outside). So, you'd think that they were pretty keen to get in, but for what?
They didn't take the flat-screen TV and DVD player from the chillout room. The didn't take any of the desk-top computers or anything else on the desks. They didn't even take the cashbox from the chips and sweets for sale for charity. Nothing was touched. Except, they broke into the boss's office and stole only the laptop in there (also, not touching valuable things on the desk).

Very strange, or is it just me? (No, it's just me who's very strange).

Anyway, this caused major disruption...first the police had to dust for prints (again) then we had to get people in to replace the back door. There were five of them, and they must have been former council workers, because they took all day to fix the door, taking it in turns to work whilst the other four stood around and and watched.

It is weird lately, how the days seem to go by so slowly but the weeks all drift into one another and I don't know where the time has gone. I've only got three weeks left here, but I'm yet to make any firm plans. Oh well what's new? We do have some fun in the office...everyone is under the same pressure and we all swap stories. A continuing source of amusement to me is when I call a business, give my name and company name and ask to speak to a particular person and am asked "What is it regarding?"

Now, from my company name it's blindly obvious what the call is regarding. What do they think I am calling from my company about? "Can I speak to Mr Jones-Smith? I want to be his monkey of love."

But more thickens than the plot...Namely, my waist.

As regular readers may remember, my two most important NY resolutions were cut down on drinking, and gain weight. I have succeeded admirably on both. I no longer feel any urge to drink during the week...and have gained plenty of weight.

The thing was, towards the end of last year, I was drinking every single evening. Not just one or two either. Well aside from the problems you'd expect that to cause, I completely lost any appetite. Every time I tried to eat, nothing had any flavour and I'd gag; two small mouthfulls of anything was too much, and only ate a tiny bit each day when I felt particularly faint. Now, of course, no one can live like that. I knew I had to stop before I crossed the last threshold...drinking during the day. I could see that surely that would kill me, if only by starvation (believe me. I could feel deep inside me something slipping away..almost like the life force leaving. And I was so, so thin).

So, I stopped my nightly drinking on January 1. It was very hard at first. But that's not the story I want to tell. The point of this is not how I stopped drinking, but how I started eating. It happened slowly at first...after a few days I began to feel a little hungry, and also I would have jelly beans watching TV at night, to take my mind of the glass of wine that wasn't there any more. But then well, it was all on. Remember the episode of Red Dwarf, "Bodyswap" when Rimmer could eat food for the first time in 3,000,003 years, and gorged himself? That's me. All of a has taste! I'm hungry! I've always loved to cook, and after so long with food and eating being merely an irritation in my life, it's like I'm discovering the principle of food for the first time.

And do I eat. I eat three big meals a day, plus endless snacks. I cook elaborate gourmet dishes and snarf every bite. I delight in trips to the bakery and all those fresh pastries. I can't tear myself away from the deli counter till I've bought some of everything. A new pizza variety can have me weeping with delightful anticipation.

So I should have seen it coming...but it was still a bit of a shock to climb onto a scales and realise I've gained 10kg so far this year! I'm still thin though...I've stacked every last gram on my stomach! It's quite a potbelly now. I don't care about getting fat though. This is fun...I might just gorge myself to death.


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